grey is the new black: middle age models, fashion's menopause moment + radical aging

“Who is the Crone? She is the most dangerous, the most radical, the most revolutionary woman in existence. Whether in fairy tales or consensual reality, the old one goes where she wants to and acts as she wishes; she lives as she chooses. And this is all as it should be. And no one can stop her. Nor ought they try.” – Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Hello friends,

This week I am preparing for an event that I am co-hosting which centers on reclaiming the power in women’s midlife shift from motherhood to “crone” (even if you do not identify as a woman you certainly know a wise woman in your life, starting with a grand mother.) I think this is the time to pay attention to the wise women in our lives. Why? Because it is time to stop ageism, and the comparison culture and obsession with anti-aging that social media fuels: it is doing our culture- and especially women- great harm.

I teach art to kids once a week and this was one six year old’s self portrait. Can you tell she was feeling frustrated, at the very moment of drawing herself she was comparing her work to another kid. In almost 18 years of teaching kids art I have observed this over and over - at one point children let their individual brilliance take second seat to what their neighbor is doing. It’s painful to watch, especially because for the rest of their lives they will be constantly told what to be and thanks to toxic social media they will be given loads of images (and products endorsed by “influencers”) and false ideals as to what constitutes worthy. Sadly this does not end in childhood - as women we are subliminally force-fed four bullshit words constantly: you are not enough. And it’s little sis: this yucky “lack/scarcity” feeling which we are told, can be magically changed by buying something to “fix” it. And as we age it only gets worse, the pressure to stay young is rampant, the cosmetic and beauty industries are fueled by unattainable standards and internalized ageism. Forget about accepting life, change, or loss- just charge it away !$$$! Aging? Try botox! Sad? Pop a pill! Anxious: Join this $25 a class gym! Feeling chubby? Ozempic! Single? Try Bumble! Lost? Join my coaching program and find purpose! Bored? Shop! What women of all ages need to remember is this: you are enough. Period. Sadly, this message is muffled by so much of the media we consume which pushes young and thin as the thing, though recently, I have seen fashion media have a meno-pause vis a vis ageism.

(pic: Batsheva Hay’s 2024 runway featuring all women over 40 (yes thats Molly Ringwald!)

It seems as thought middle age women are having a moment in the fashion industry, one that has traditionally exiled women over 35. Case in point, the much lauded Batsheva Hay runway show that exclusively cast women over 40. According to the designer who scouted many of the amazing and truly diverse models on the streets of NYC (see first image in newsletter), older women have “a completely different type of vitality,[a] different sense of stability and comfort and play and freedom and all of that stuff that no one gets to express. I want to express it.”

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This February 2024 Wall Street Journal article asks “Are Fashion Brands Finally Catering to Women Over 50?” In it they quote the legendary 75 year old founder of New York Fashion week Fern Mallis:

“For so long, we’ve spoken about diversity in fashion. That doesn’t just mean body sizes and skin colors. It has to include older women, too, especially since we’re often the ones investing in luxury pieces.”

One magazine cover which captures this golden girl zeitgeist has particularly stood out to me: a Vogue Philippine one featuring a stunning, confident, un-surgically enhanced tattoo artist who is- over 100 years old! She apprenticed under her father and has been the practicing the sacred art form of batok for almost a century. Also known as Maria Oggay she lives in the remote “tattoo village” of Buscalan, a 12 hour drive from Manilla.

106-year-old Apo Whang-Od from the Philippines is Vogue's oldest ever cover model, she has been a tattoo artist since age 15, in her culture older women believe the ritual markings on their skin are the only thing they can take to the afterlife.

According to Audrey Carpio, before this mountain region of Phillippines were colonized, women’s tattooed bodies were “celebrated as badges of honor, wealth, beauty, and bravery,” and “unmarked women were considered imperfect, undesirable.” And because this would not be my essay if I did not mention colonialism, according to this Vogue article about this iconic cover when the “American Catholic missionaries came and built schools…village girls were made to cover their arms with long sleeves. Being tattooed became a point of shame when women ventured to the city, and eventually fewer girls from the succeeding generation continued the tradition as Western concepts of beauty and respectability began to permeate the culture.”

Maria Oggay, Apo for short, passed on the tradition to her grand niece, Grace who spent time in France bringing this tattoo art to the West. Grace and her hipster elder cover girl auntie are responsible for reviving this Philippine indigenous practice. Together they are influencing other Filipinos to choose an indigenous tattoo “that carries with it a long history…[representing] a step toward decolonizing aesthetics…and reconnecting with our roots, our selves.  In an industry guided by what new hip and youth-driven this refreshing focus on the value of ancestral wisdom as passed on through traditions and textiles expand the narrow concept of “Fashion.” Apo, like the millions of artisan women across the Global South are a potent reminder that when our categories of fashion are more inclusive they can actually empower and restore rather than displace.

“"A celebration of what we have, instead of what we long for. That for me, is glamour" - Isabella Rossellini

In my opinion actress Isabella Rossellini is naturally aging with grace goals. In 2013, she established Mama Farm, a 28-acre organic farm and animal sanctuary (sheep, heritage chickens, etc) on Long Island with environmental conservation at its core mission. There she also runs a knitting program with her daughter which produces a chic farm to consumer line of knitwear (now THAT is sustainable fashion my friends) all while continuing to act. She is a true rock star.

(This pic personifies aging gracefully -and joyfully- from a 2020 NY Times article taken by Camilia Falquez)

In the brilliant essay “How to Grow Old Like Isabella Rosalini” she has this to say about the transition form motherhood to crone that so many of my friends are entering:

So much of who we are when we are young is determined by our fertility. Are we going to have children? … But then once they go to college or move on, the question becomes: Who am I? How do I fulfill the rest of my life, from 45 on? That question came to me very clearly at 45, and I didn’t have an answer. I still don’t have an answer…You know, they all talk about wrinkles, but talk about the freedom that comes with old age. When you’re young, there is a lot of expectation. You have to make a career; you have to prove that you can be financially independent, you can raise your children, you’re successfully married — there are so many things that you have to prove. But then as you become older, you just are lucky to be alive and healthy. And then you start saying: Well, what do I want?

Let me do what I want.

I leave you with that wisdom and these gorgeous images of grandmothers and wise women. In traditional cultures elaborate ceremonies and rituals marked rites of passages from one stage of life to another. We still celebrate birth, marriage and honor death, but for women aging and menopause is often shrouded in shame and confusion. I celebrate this brief inclusion of women over 40 in media, and hope it is not just a passing trend. We need more images of women who have the courage to break the confining roles that society has imposed. Let the age of radical aging begin! Next week I will expand on this concept as personified by women like Rossalini, Apo and Diana Kennedy (see below).

xoxo, Vero

A very special thank you to my paid subscribers, your support mean the world and enables me to do what I love, read, write and think critically!

(I leave you this killer image: 79 year old Disco Diva Diana Ross as the new face of YSL!)

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MUST WATCH: the film Diana Kennedy: Nothing Fancy.

Here is a clip of another icon of radical aging, Diana Kennedy, watch the whole movie, it is really inspiring!