welcome to el portal

today is my bday and here are some reflections & thoughts...

pic of my new neighborhood by @rafaelbalcazarartist

Hello, my name is Veronica Pesantes, aka Vero Santes, I am a bicultural (Ecuador & USA) Gen X single mum who turns 53 today! I am what a millennial would call a multi-hyphenate: creative entrepreneur, writer, educator, art historian, activist, yogi etc. I made it a goal for this year to give myself space to share what inspires me, what heals me, and to build a community here on Substack. In order to get more consistent with my art and writing practices I needed a vessal and an audience, so thank you for reading and engaging!!!

This past month I moved from my home of almost 20 years on Miami Beach to a little cottage in the middle of a tiny tropical forest in El Portal, FL. It is not a coincidence that I moved to EL PORTAL since a portal is a liminal space, a place of transition, a physical/ emotional/ metaphorical in-between state sandwiched between a “before” & an “after.” As someone who has navigated life between two languages and two cultures, the in-between is somewhere that has felt like home. This particular moment in time is a major shift for me, one daughter is in California and a (gulp) adult at 20, and the other one is a junior and also getting ready to fly the nest in two years. Parenting them is a continual lesson in humility and has been the single most defining, rewarding and challenging endeavor. As a solo mom for many years the massive change from full time caregiver to mom of grown women means a chance to reclaim past versions of myself or perhaps invent new ones, and it has me asking myself, what did I want to be as a little kid? What and how can I incorporate the multiple interests and passions that have guided me thus far, and what does this transformation look like… These are some things I hope to work out in my weekly essay!

“If i were to name the chief benefit of the house, I should say: the house shelters daydreaming, the house protects the dreamer, the house allows one to dream in peace.” - Gaston Bachelard 

A note on expectations, one of the visions I had when moving to this cottage in the forest was long daily walks with my furry rescue pup Wes Anderson -the being I had spent most of my time with for the past eight years. He was an appendage. But life never quite works out as planned, a week after moving he passed away, and the grief hit hard. Wes asked me to go back into a grief that has trailed me for some time, and this home provided a container. We always want to outrun grief and sadness when in reality we need to integrate them or it catches up to us in unexpected places…

P.S. Here is picture of my handsome son, may he rest in forever peace with all the treats and all the belly rubs

In my weekly email I will always add links to music, essays films and articles but for now I leave you with a poem by Rilke and a you tube by Johanna Macy.

Quiet friend who has come so far,

feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,

what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.

In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.

And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.

“Let This Darkness Be a Bell Tower” by Rainer Maria Rilke

from Sonnets to Orpheus II, 29. 

Watch this YOU TUBE of wise spoken words from my guru Joanna Macy...

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Besos,

Vero